For Valentine’s Day, how about you write YOURSELF a love letter?  The way we see and value ourselves has a huge impact on our actions, our quality of life, our happiness, and even our intimate relationships with others. Body issues can also affect the emotional and physical parts of a relationship, especially if you and your partner are not communicating about your respective needs or insecurities.

According to DoSomething.org,  91% of women are unhappy with their bodies.  Imagine how nerve racking it is to try to be intimate with someone, both physically and emotionally, when you’re busy worrying about what you look like!?!?

81 percent of ten-year-olds are afraid of being fat. These ten-year-olds are more afraid of becoming fat than they are of cancer, war, or losing both of their parents.

Young girls and women are learning they aren’t worthy of intimacy and love all because they are being sent the message that their body type isn’t perfect or worthy of love, and it’s not like those feelings go away when we grow up.  Well into my 20’s, I was still convinced that no one would want a relationship with me if I didn’t lose a few more pounds.  

You may have experienced, or are currently experiencing, the feelings that you must lose weight, or change your appearance in some way, in order to create a connection with someone.  I know I experienced this for many years, and I talk about it in my book Every. Body. Beautiful.  Just the other day, I was mentally beating myself up over this one jerk I used to date.  I let him treat me with zero respect, because I believed I didn’t deserve better than that.  Trust me: YOU.  DESERVE.  RESPECT.  

    It was when I finally realized that trying to diet my way into a relationship was not working, that I found more meaningful connections, both in a romantic relationship, and in all of my relationships with friends and family.  When you’re able to appreciate who you truly are, you will attract others that appreciate you, and themselves.  

    Here are some steps you can take to fall in love with yourself and attract others who will do the same:

1. Write yourself a love letter.  Write down everything you love about your body, your personality, what you’re good at, and all about the wonderful live you’re going to live with yourself

2. Communicate with your partner and your loved ones what you need.  This is not selfish.  Having needs is called being human.  

3. Take care of yourself.  This can be as simple as taking 10 minutes to wear one of those Korean Sheet masks around the house to pamper your skin to taking a well deserved vacation to hosting your friends over.  Do what feels like it feeds your soul and happiness. 

4. Listen to Lizzo’s song “Soulmate” over and over until you think you came up with the lyrics yourself

5. Surround yourself with KIND people.  Make KINDNESS the top criteria you look for in friendships and lovers.  

    Treat yourself the way you want to be treated, ask yourself to be your own Valentine, and only say kind things to yourself in the mirror.  For a great podcast on this topic, listen to my guest appearance on Date/able.  

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