Trying on some not so great options via mail order bridal gowns

The day of my wedding, I felt absolutely gorgeous, but I had a lot of internal struggle with body image in the months leading up to the day. Even though I have surrounded myself with truly awesome people who don't make comments about my body, I still felt pressure to be thinner for my wedding, and to participate in what's called "Shedding for the Wedding". Yes, me! I am not immune to societal pressures!

Maybe you’re asking yourself “Should I lose weight for my wedding?” and can relate to this pressure.

It took me awhile to find an outfit, and I ended up looking at thousands of models in dresses. I was shopping on a lot of sites and at companies with inclusive sizing and diverse models, but the majority were thin (which only reinforces my belief that it’s important to fill our feeds with diverse images, more on this in my other blog How to Stay Body Positive During the Holidays). I started wondering if I would ever find an outfit that I felt beautiful in without losing weight. It had me starting to negotiate with myself about what disordered eating and exercise habits I could return to in order to lose weight before my wedding, which is not a place I wanted to be.

The things that kept me from buying back into the bullshit I used to secretly put my body through were these:

Reminding myself that the behaviors it took to make me into a smaller size turned into an obsession, and my weight loss never resulted in me liking who I was more.
Talking to some of my friends and my therapist about what I was feeling. Naming a past demon out loud made it feel less powerful, and released the shame I felt about thinking these thoughts.
Really tuning into intuitive eating. Was I denying myself this food because I should lose weight before my wedding, or was I putting it down because I actually needed something else? *please see the bottom of blog for disordered eating resources.

In the end, the strategy I used was to ask myself these questions:

Is this kind/sustainable for my body?
Does it make my happy?
Does it make me feel beautiful?

If the answer to any of these was “no” I reconsidered my actions.

I’m not recommending you necessarily use this strategy, (because I’m not trained to diagnose or treat eating disorders) but I do think it’s okay to have check in questions like this when you’re questioning what your motivation is.

I ended up being so happy with the dress I chose, because I got it based on how comfortable I was in it, and it made me feel so beautiful and special. I also want to note that the store I got it in was filled with brides of all shapes and sizes, and it was refreshing to see something different than the majority of the images of thin wedding gown models displayed online.

Do you consider yourself someone who has recovered from disordered eating and STILL has thoughts about needing to lose weight? How do you approach those thoughts? What are your strategies to take care of yourself? Please share in the comments.

*This blog is not a substitute for seeking treatment for disordered eating. Please start by reaching out to the National Eating Disorders Association for help.

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Why I Didn't Lose Weight for My Wedding